PHOTO: Neville

By Dillon Perillo, from Portugal (see Dillon's first European journal entry here)

I'm shoveling my feet along the Portuguese pavilion looking for food. With my blood sugar bottoming out I become exasperated with life. Everything about it, the girls, money, status, even the art of digesting frustrates me like a spoiled little boy not getting what is wanted.

Then I think about other people who have what I don't and their lives become more alluring than mine and this state of envy overtakes me and I am weak.

So I query: Why do certain people benefit more than others? Should I surf more? Successful people benefit the most and if I keep surfing I could be more successful, hence reaping benefits. Girls. Cute, tan blonde girls. My only problem is that I think that if I keep surfing I will fail in life and not become the beneficial human I can be.

Why? I want to be a successfully intelligent man rather than a successful boob. I wish I could just settle among the semi-smart bourgeois. But I want to be an intelligent aristocrat! I want to know about everything! Politics and science, and to be cosmopolitan. I’m the greediest man alive.

Life in this foreignly linguistic socialist country bores me, dull as a butter knife. I want to return to a land of democracy and English, somewhere I feel understood. But even my home mistakes me for me. For maybe I’m too complex even for myself to understand. I have just broken up with my girlfriend out of the blue using the word “travel” as an excuse. Is that fair? Is that morbidly hurtful? I feel nothing. I must move on with my life and hopefully she the same. I am sorry I am sorry I am sorry I am sorry, I don't know the reason but I am sorry.

(Photo: Kai Neville)

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